A Curly Life: When life is too straight just add curls.

This week I quit my day job. For the last 5 years I have been working as an executive level Psychologist in a large government department. I have really enjoyed the role. The people are great. I have lots of work to do. Plenty or autonomy. Plenty of responsibility and respect. It meets most of my core values, including contribution and connection. Resources are tight but not disabling and it was a very well paid and secure position. So why did I resign?

Two days ago I walked into my supervisors office to break the news. It was one of those conversations I'd refer to in coaching as a 'crucial conversation'. The stakes were high and emotions were strong. It was the first day back on the work calendar and my boss, who I admire and like opens with "Happy new Year - Great to have you back!" My response: "Great to be back...but I need to Leave!" And I hand over 12 weeks notice. That afternoon I'm summoned to my Senior supervisor and given 30 minutes notice for the meeting. I can feel the cortisol rising as I rehearse the conversation in my head. I've role played this conversation with my husband in the week before but I can't seem to remember my lines. I begin to panic, what the hell...why am I doing this? It's comfortable here...the work is pretty interesting...people like me...I like them...the money is good...I have lots of autonomy...the supervision is light...gulp! I could stay here...I'm comfortable....oh no!

"Adventure begins outside your comfort zone"

Why is it that we have the tendency to wish for our curly life to straighten, but then panic sets in when it does? To understand this we need to look to the science of the "comfort zone"

The Comfort Zone

Yes we have a human urge to keep things safe and comfortable. But, I'd argue only to a certain tipping point. The science of the "comfort zone" is well documented and empirically tested. Simply put, your comfort zone is a behavioural space where your activity and behaviour fits a routine pattern that minimises stress and reduces risk. This is not a bad place. The idea comes from a classic psychology experiment conducted by Yerkes and Dodson (1908), which explained that a state of relative comfort (pattern, routine, arousal) created a steady level of performance. In order to maximise our performance however, we need to be pushed just beyond our comfort zone to a space labelled "optimal anxiety." Too much anxiety and we are pushed into the danger zone where we are too stressed to be productive and performance declines rapidly. This experiment has been used to explain human performance in all sorts of domains, including sport and work. The comfort zone is not inherently a bad or a good thing. We all need that place where we are least anxious and stressed, where we have routines and patterns that bring us back to an equilibrium. Where we recuperate after periods of high intensity or stress. But I'd argue (like others) that you can't reside there permanently. It's like laying by the pool on a holiday it's relaxing at first and then after a period of time it becomes boring. There comes a point when breaking free from the comfort zone is necessary if only to remind you of it's comfort. Personal and professional growth do not occur when you remain in your comfort zone. It occurs either through adversity or stretch when your comfort zone is abandoned temporarily. Some people use extreme sport or adventurous training, they climb to amazing heights, leap off things, swim with sharks or fight bulls...others test the limits of fitness or endurance...entrepreneurs engage with financial risk and innovation. There are others still who test their comfort zone through more destructive means by engaging in high risk sexual behaviours, substances, or who self-sabotage when they become bored with the status quo. Then there are those less extreme but equally frightening steps we all take that are tentatively beyond our comfort zone but when taken can change the course of our lives.

Yesterday we had a collective staff training day. The morning started with introductions to everyone in the Branch. At this point about 5 out of the 60 people present knew I'm resigning. The introductions get to me and I say "Hi I'm Rebecca and I am the Psychologist...pause...for now" My senior supervisor then takes his cue and announces that I'll be leaving in 3 months. There is a collective gasp and then a collective sigh for the audience.

The collective gasp.

I think the collective gasp was shock. Shock that I was going. Shock I was challenging the status quo. Shock that in this fiscal environment I would venture beyond the relative financial security of the public service into the great unknown. Shock that I wouldn't be replaced in the near future and that would leave even more work to be distributed.

The collective sigh.

I'd like to think this is reflective of the great interpersonal relationships I've established with my colleagues over the past 5 years. I think that's certainly part of it. But I also detected something else...was it disappointment? Later conversations over coffee and in the corridors confirmed a few of my reflections. This is what the reactions above boiled down to:

1. Congratulations. What a brave step.

2. So you are deserting us. Now what will we do?

3. I wish I had the opportunity to leave. You are Lucky.

4. I should have taken that step a long time ago. Now it's too late.

5. All the best. We'll miss you.

These reactions; admiration, disbelief, disappointment, fear, excitement, hope, and regret were all more than I'd anticipated, yet they mirrored some of my own feelings. My own emotions had been tested in the month before as I grappled with the decision and many of those responses were common to my own thinking. Leaving my comfort zone is a thought that excites and terrifies me in equal measure. As I close my office door for the last time in April I'm sure all those reactions will be flooding over me. I hold onto the notion that beyond my comfort zone is where the adventure begins. I'm looking forward to reflecting back on this post in the months to come. Its frightening but important. The status quo is a nice place. It provides security, significance, autonomy, contribution and routine. But there are other values that I also choose to live by including; continued growth, variety, adventure, creativity, family, balance and challenge. To dance beyond the confines of my own comfort zone brings joy, excitement and fear. It adds some curls.