Do not dull your curls

What is it that makes you interesting to others? This is a difficult question isn't it. Is it your sense of humour, your outlook on life, your ability to tell a good story, your genuine concern for others, your knowledge of interesting facts, your ability to put people at ease or to make them feel interesting? I bet it's perhaps a set of qualities you may not have even thought about or given much credit to. I think we all spend far too much time thinking that what makes us interesting are the bits which make us the same as others, rather than the bits that make us different.  I think what drew me to study and now work in the field of Psychology, was the realisation that what makes people interesting are the curly bits. The bits which are different and rare and unique.

But do we really celebrate this? I don't think we do. I think we are more comfortable to direct the question towards others. What makes our life partner different and interesting? What makes our children special? Why do we like that quirky neighbour or eccentric personality in our local town? But to ask the question of ourselves is much harder. What makes me different, interesting and special? Because to ask ourselves this question is confronting. It requires self awareness and a desire to be honest with ourselves. You also have to answer the question like no-one is watching. Because when you contemplate what it is that makes you different to others, you have to be prepared for the answer which pops up and then you need to make peace with it.

You see it's entirely possible that what makes you interesting is having eyes two different shades, or a dimple in your chin, or a birthmark or prominent scar. You may have ears that stick out or one long toe or toes that are fused together. You may have a gap in your teeth or snort when you laugh or hic-up when you cry. These imperfections are a part of you. My friend Lou tells a great story she read about striving for perfection. Its about some women discussing a new family that have moved into the neighbourhood. This family look picture perfect, perfectly behaved children, everyone immaculately dressed, friendly, helpful, they sing in church with perfect pitch etc., and what do you think people say? "Did you see the new family...creepy!" Even when you are damn close to perfect  - it's still not enough. Because we don't actually like perfect, we don't like it when everything is straight and ordered and uniform. We want unique and bespoke and customised. So you see it is not your perfection but your imperfections which make you interesting to others. Your curly bits. So do not dull them down for anyone - celebrate them in all their imperfect glory.